Long time no hear!

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Hi everyone! It’s been a long time since I’ve written. My apologies! I’ve been so focused on being the best that I can be and haven’t really shared online. Today, I knocked out another item off my bucket list, I got my motorcycle license! Woo Hoo! Lately, I’ve been feeling much more focused and determined and I will do my best to write more often and keep in touch.  At the End of My Life

Today, I wanted to talk about life and how freekin’ hard it can be sometimes. LIFE IS HARD! I know, I know, it’s part of life, but I’m at the age now, 49, where many friends and family are starting to deal with some sort of illness. Sick or dying parents, family members and Cancer and other illnesses. It sucks! Cancer SUCKS! It seems as though we are consistently losing people that we love and watching our loved ones wither away with some illness. I’ve reflected on death before and as I started to reflect and think about what it means to grow old, I started reading articles online and stumbled across this article written back in 2014.

The article was about not wanting to live past 75, called “Why I Hope to Die at 75” by author Ezekiel J. Emanuel. Ezekiel is an oncologist, a bioethicist, and a vice provost of the University of Pennsylvania. Now when I first read the title, I thought to myself… That sounds absurd! Then I read the article and I was amazed about how much I related to the article. I really found myself agreeing with a lot of the authors statements.

Death is a loss. It deprives us of experiences and milestones, of time spent with our spouse and children. In short, it deprives us of all the things we value.

Now before you jump to judgement, he talks about not wishing to die but that for many people living beyond 75 can also be a loss. The author states that, “It renders many of us, if not disabled, then faltering and declining, a state that may not be worse than death but is nonetheless deprived.” I believe that many of us can relate to this because as I grow older, the last thing I want is to be is a burden to my family and loved ones.

It’s also an interesting topic for me because I’ve had too many close calls in my life; most before the age of 25. Iraq was probably the most significant of those life experiences. It was there that I learned to cherish life by thinking about death. Some may say it seems morbid, but I feel that, in some strange way, by thinking about dying, it makes me think about living. I want to cherish my life and live it to the max. I’ve been following an author and coach, Brendon Burchard, and after his near-death experience, while in the hospital, he asked himself three questions. “Did I Live? Did I Love? Did I Matter?” I can so relate to these three questions and for me they have become my battle cry. When I am on my “deathbed” I will ask myself the same questions and it will be how I choose to live and judge myself everyday.

Did I live?– Did I live my life to the fullest? Did I take advantage of all my talents that God blessed me with? Did I do everything that I wanted and set out to do?

Did I Love?– Did I love my family and friends fully? Did I love unconditionally? Did I spread love and kindness wherever I went? When I touched people’s lives, was it for the better?

Did I Matter? – Will anyone ever know that I was here? Did I leave this earth better than I found it? Did I leave a positive mark wherever I went? What will be my legacy?

These are, without a doubt, very deep questions. These are the questions that drive me now. I’m not sure how I will feel when I’m 75; hopefully I’ll still have my wits about myself. I am focused on continuing to take good care of myself and exercising but there are no guarantees in life. I’ve heard of people smoking until their 90’s and healthy marathon runners dying of cancer in their 30’s. Who knows? What I do know is that until I am no longer part of this earth, these 3 questions are how I will judge my life. My purpose! My mission!

What do you think? Are you living? Are you loving? Will you matter when you’re gone?

Let me know and leave a comment.

Wishing you all the best and “Fair Winds and Following Seas”!

Be the Budha

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When in doubt, be the Buddha…

This past weekend, the Dalai Lama visited Boston to share wisdom with his faithful. The Tibetan spiritual leader, 14th in a succession of reincarnations of the Buddha of compassion, had a clear message: “Warmheartedness” he said, was the basis for peace and happiness. He reminded them to “Be kind whenever possible,” adding “It’s always possible.” His Holiness also believes one needs tolerance, love and respect – towards oneself and toward others – to ensure a happy life. And these must be shown toward everyone, even those with whom one strongly disagrees.
Eager to see if I was up to this challenge, I set out the next day to be the person the Dalai Lama described. If I could contribute in some small way to a more harmonious world, it would be well worth the effort. And how hard could it be? Within minutes, I had my answer.

My friend Janie and I like to walk the banks of the Charles River. A popular destination for walkers, runners, cyclists and rollerblading, every day thousands of people take advantage of this idyllic setting and the miles of smooth, paved surfaces it offers. Generally, people seem to co-exist quite well, respectful of the ways in which others use this beautiful public space. This morning turned out to be an exception; we’ll get back to that in a minute.

On our way to the river, we walked through an exclusive neighborhood of expensive homes, and witnessed a woman searching for cans and bottles in recycling bags by the curb. She could redeem them for five cents each, and maybe realize a few dollars if she had a good day. Most residents are fine with this practice, recognizing that the nickels for the containers they’ve tossed added up for someone in need. But not the resident of this building, who instead loudly chastised the woman for searching the recycling bags. Remembering I was supposed to have compassion for all – even for those with whom I disagree – I dug deep for this man, and decided to attribute his words and actions to the fact he was having a bad morning. I tried not to judge.
My friend and I began our walk on the river, keeping to the right on the paved surface for bicycle traffic. Unfortunately, we were not quite far enough right for one cyclist who sped by us at 30 MPH, yelling an obscenity as he did. Moments later another cyclist came upon us, shouting “This is NOT a walkway!!” It is, actually, but trying to explain that would have been fruitless – he was long gone. Compassion for these individuals, I had to admit, was even harder to find.

Within just a few more moments, though, any warmheartedness I had left had gone cold. While we waited at a busy intersection a siren sounded, and drivers did their best to make way for an approaching ambulance. One pulled his car into the crosswalk to make room, and was promptly told by a pedestrian (in front of his children) that the driver “needed to go back to driving school.” We had been out exactly one hour, and were either the targets of, or witnesses to, four incidents of incivility. I was beginning to realize that the Dalai Lama’s instructions for warmheartedness toward all was a tall order.

Stressors can get the better of any of us. Or at least they can of me. (I was heartened to read that the Dalai Lama said they also occasionally get the better of him.) Allowing for that, there still seems to be an increasingly loud drumbeat of gratuitous incivility that injures not only the targets, but also the agents themselves. Few of us get away with discourteous behavior without some ramifications or feelings of guilt.

So what do we do? I think we allow for others’ humanness as well as our own, and do our best each day with the circumstances in which we find ourselves. Deciding to “be the Buddha” to the greatest extent we can helps us find the best in others and in ourselves. It’s a start.

The Serenity Prayer

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Good morning everyone, One of my favorite prayers has always been the Serenity Prayer. I’m sure most of you know it, but for those that don’t, here it is in its simplest form…

serenity-prayer

Serenity Prayer

 

What many people do not know is the much less common and longer version:

God, give me grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, Courage to change the things which should be changed, and the Wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.

Living one day at a time, Enjoying one moment at a time, Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace, Taking, as Jesus did, This sinful world as it is, Not as I would have it, Trusting that You will make all things right, If I surrender to Your will,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life, And supremely happy with You forever in the next.  Amen.

What I love about this prayer is that it is so simple yet so complex. I love it and you can use it and apply it to your life in so many ways.

It’s so hard to accept things that we cannot change. We struggle sometimes trying to change them, but more often than not, the best course of action is to just let go, realizing that we cannot change them.

Next, for the things we can change, it is so hard. Change is difficult and sometimes no matter how difficult the situation is, we would rather stay in that moment then make the change. We need to have the courage to do what is difficult and make that change for the better.

Lastly, we need to be able to distinguish what can be changed and what can’t. It sounds easy, but it’s not. So we need the patience and wisdom to know the difference.

I hope that you remember this prayer the next time that you are struggling, remember it and say it to yourself. A calm will fall over you and God’s grace will guide you. God bless!

To my Uncle Helder

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Uncle Helder and I-1-cropped

Me and you in the beginning. I love you!

Family and friends, there is so much joy in my life and I am blessed beyond words. Don’t get me wrong, my life is far from perfect. Those of you that know me very well, know that my life has definitely had its ups and downs. Sometimes I feel like I’m on an amazing roller-coaster ride called life. I wanted to write today because I feel like something significant has happened in my life and I wanted to share it with those of you that are interested. No hard feelings if you’re not; really it’s OK. For those that would like to know, feel free to read on as this will be a long post.

I lost my Uncle Helder on Thursday April 7th, 2016. Yes, his name was actually Helder also. He was my Mother’s brother and I was named after him and also my Grandfather who was also named Helder. When I was young, I never really liked my name. It was different and as an immigrant to this beautiful country, I was born in Portugal, it was tough growing up with a name like Helder. I’m sure you can imagine the names kids might call you. So when I was young, maybe 9 or 10, I changed my name to Adam. In fact many of you only know me as Adam. Adam was simple name and I remember choosing it as some of the older kids would call me Adam Ant, a cartoon character that was small but strong, not the singer from England. I used Adam for nearly my whole childhood. In the beginning of the school year, I would always go up to the school teachers and ask them to please call me Adam, before they would do roll call so I would not be embarrassed by them calling out Helder. Even my beautiful wife Maggie, knew me as Adam and it wasn’t until I graduated high school that I came to accept my real name as Helder.

You see, I enlisted in the Army at the beginning of my senior year in high school. I was only 17, but I knew I wanted a better life and knew that I wanted to go to college. The problem was that my hard working parents were barely making ends meet let alone have enough money for the college application fee, so forget about college tuition. So I enlisted in the US Army for the GI Bill and in July of 1988, after graduating from high school, I headed to Fort Benning, Georgia for the Army Infantry School. Georgia in July is hot, really hot, you could definitely fry an egg on the pavement and humid, wow! So when I met my Drill Sergeant, just like in high school, I went up to him and told him that I wanted to be called Adam and he said, OK Helder!

Oh boy, I thought to myself, what had I done. At some point, after the beat down and grilling, I mean training LOL, they gave us the first couple of weeks, he pulled me aside and told me to get my head out of my fourth point of contact, that means my ass for those of you that don’t know, and get used to my name; Helder. He told me that it was unique and different and that there was a reason for that, so I better start liking it; and I did. From that day on, I was known as Helder. It wasn’t until a few years from then that I realized that all this time, my mother and uncle never said a word to me about me not liking my name. I guess they figured that at some point I would figure it out.

So a long story, but I thought that it was important to give you all the background because I could not be prouder to call myself Helder than I am today. My grandfather Helder died some time ago and my uncle Helder has now joined his parents, his brother and sister, my Mom.

Let me tell you a little bit about my uncle Helder. Throughout my childhood there were difficult times and I noticed when I needed him, he was always there for me. I used to go over his house and admire his 1972 dark green Mustang that he had. You see, I use to drive my Mom’s car and since we didn’t have much money it was always difficult to borrow it when I wanted to use the car and I really wanted my own car. So one day I went over his house and when I approached him about the idea of buying the car, he didn’t hesitate at all about giving it to me and telling me that I could pay him back as I earned the money. It needed a little bit of work but I really liked that car and I figured since I was in Vocational Technical School, I could fix it up and maybe even rebuild the engine. I loved that Mustang; it had a 302 engine and was really fast. As you can imagine, I was about 17 and it wasn’t long before I got a little reckless and crashed the car. I rolled it over on Harkney Hill Road in Coventry, RI. I was driving fast and was trying to pass an antique car and if I had been going just a little bit faster when I rolled it over, I would have wrapped the Mustang around a tree. Then I took a pleasant ride in the ambulance and I while I was at the hospital, my Mom was there and also my uncle. Now I was ready to get yelled at and also to be reminded that I still owed him the money, but he never, and I mean never, said a word about it; he was scared for me and he was just glad that I was ok. I was very lucky to be alive the police officer told me as he gave me a well-deserved ticket.

Then there was a very difficult time in my life, when my Mom was diagnosed with cancer. I had this great idea that I would take her on a farewell trip back to Saint Michael, Azores, Portugal. I spoke to my uncle and told him what I was planning and he thought it would be a great idea. I was so excited! My mother had not been back to Portugal since 1971 when we came to the US. I also couldn’t wait to see where I was born and where my parents grew up. So I saved up the money and planned the trip. Since my Mom was very sick from the cancer, I made sure that I had travel insurance in the event something went wrong because I didn’t want her to feel bad if she couldn’t make it. Sure enough, it was approximately around this time, 10 years ago, that my Mom didn’t feel well and was worried about going and having any kind of complications and she told me that she had second thoughts and wanted to cancel. I understood and wanted to respect my Mom’s wishes but I was so devastated. I had worked so hard and planned for this and now we were not going on the trip.

My Mom had one request though; she still wanted me to go, but with my uncle only and to take lots of pictures and to show her how my trip was when I got back. It was bitter sweet and I did want to go, but the main reason for the trip was for her. I talked to my uncle and we went in May 2006. My uncle had made preparations to have a friend of his take us all over the island and we had the time of our lives. To this day, that was still one of the best trips that I have ever been on. It was so great to see where my family was from and where my parents grew up and to see the house that I was actually born in. I went to the church that I was baptized in and I prayed for a miracle that my Mom would be healed; I know a little bit of a stretch, but I had to do it. I prayed that if a cure was not to be, then to please take her quickly and not let her suffer any more than she had already had. When we got back we shared all of the photos with my Mom and she was so happy for me that we went and had such a great time. She smiled so big when she saw her homeland and where she grew up and I talked about the things we saw and the places we went. She was so excited for me and I could feel that she also was very happy too. She passed about a month later after we had gotten back in June 2006. God, we had the time of our lives and I can never thank my uncle enough for that trip. He was the BEST!!!

There are so many more stories like this, but needless to say, my uncle was truly and really the best and one of the most positive influences in my life. He was always there for me when I needed positive words of encouragement. I can never thank him enough for the kindness that he showed me. Today, at Prata funeral home in West Warwick, RI, is his wake and tomorrow will be his funeral mass. You can find out more online, at their website: http://www.pratagallogly.com/notices/Helder-Miranda. I know many of his friends and most of my family will be there and many if not all have similar stories like mine.

Today, I am so grateful for carrying on the family name. It has a new found meaning to me and my family and I am very proud to call myself, Helder! I wrote the following words in his guest book online.

Uncle, we knew this day would come as we sat and talked by your bedside. I dreaded it to say the least. You’re now at rest and peace and no longer in any pain and for that I am pleased. You have been rejoined with your mother, brother and sister, my Mom. I have always felt their presence with me as I have walked through this journey we call life. I don’t know where I would be today without all of the positive influences that you and my Mom had on me. And I know if Uncle Flavio were alive, he too would have had such a positive influence on my life also. You were all wonderful blessings in my life. There are so many things that I still want to say, and I want to keep having our talks, I cherished them so much. I will never forget our trip to Portugal together in remembrance of my mother. You were always there for me when I needed you. Thank you and I love you!

I wrote this poem for you and for us…

It was the news that brought tears to our eyes that dreadful day
God decided it was your time, your time to go, so He took you away.

And we all felt the pain, the pain that you had been suffering for so long.
As we gathered in your home and listened to your daughter’s song

You will not be forgotten, we will always be thinking of you,
and we know that you’ll be looking down on us; protecting us; you always do.

And we all cried as the rain fell that dreary day,
Little drops of rain, tears of love lost, words we cannot say.

You were a shining light in our lives and you had to go just then
We bid you farewell, but not goodbye, for we know we will see you again,

I miss you so much Uncle! May you rest in eternal peace.
We will always love and miss you!

Eternally grateful; your nephew and proud name holder,
Helder

Uncle Helder and I-2

Me and you at the end. I love you

 

 

Know that your difficulties helped make you who you are!

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Hi to everyone out in the blogosphere. My apologies, because I haven’t written for some time. Life has just really been so crazy and hectic and I needed to get myself back to where I wanted to be. Needless to say, here I am. Over the past few months I’ve been thinking about life’s difficulties and why some of us seem to go through life pretty easily and why some of us seem to face so many challenges and difficulties.

Your JourneyLife doesn’t seem to care what the color of your skin is, whether you’re a male or female, rich or poor, religious or not. Life comes at you and sometimes throws you a nice easy pitches that you can hit and sometimes life throws you a curve ball and you strike out. A little embarrassed, maybe even frustrated, you walk back to the dug out with your head hanging low and try to figure out what just happened and how do I hit that darn curve ball.

I know I’m using a baseball metaphor but I think you understand where I’m coming from. We all have those moments where we wonder and say, “WHY ME?!” I have often heard people say, “Why not you?” We all have good days and bad days and if you’re married, you know the famous traditional wedding vows,”…in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow…” Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could just have the good and none of the bad? No one would argue with that and divorce rates would probably be non-existent. But would that really make us better people?

I would like to believe that it’s our difficulties that mold us. It’s those tough times that really transform us into who we really are and who we’re growing up to be. It’s because of our struggles that we are stronger. Very similar to muscle building we have to tear the muscles in order to build them up and make them stronger (scientifically termed hypertrophy).

Please bear with me while I explain. When I was younger, I was very small. I had a big heart and was very tough, but I relatively speaking I was a very skinny and scrawny kid. I wanted so bad to build muscle and to be bigger. So I started to lift weights and thankfully started getting bigger and stronger.  So by lifting weights, you are actually causing tiny tears (known as “micro-tears”) in the muscle fibers, which the body then repairs and adapts the muscles to better handle the stimulus that caused the damage.

Some key points to remember, which many people do not know, is that if a workout causes too few micro-tears in the fibers, then little muscle growth will occur as a result because the body figures it doesn’t need to grow to deal again with such a minor stimulus. Similarly, if a workout causes too many micro-tears, then the body will fail to fully repair the muscles, and muscle growth will be stunted. If a workout causes optimal micro-tearing but the body isn’t supplied with sufficient nutrition or rest, no appreciable amount of muscle growth will occur. So for optimal muscle growth, you must lift in such a way that causes optimal micro-tearing and then you must feed your body what it needs to grow and give it the proper amount of rest.

OK, now I know you’re asking, “Helder, what does this have to do with life and overcoming difficulties?” Well I’m glad you asked! First, we are indeed shaped by those “micro-tears” of life. And likewise, if we have small ones then we don’t really grow or develop fully. Similarly, if we have too many “micro-tears” then we could become seriously hurt or depressed. We need just the right amount of tears and we also need the proper nutrition, i.e. rest, prayers, meditation, coaching and mentoring so that we can fully develop and overcome our difficulties and in the end, be stronger.

I came across a quote from Asha Tyson and it really resonated with me about this exact same thing.

Your journey has molded you for your greater good, and it was exactly what it needed to be. Don’t think you’ve lost time. There is no short-cutting to life. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now. And now is right on time.

I think that sums up exactly how I feel, I know this has helped me deal with my difficulties and I hope it helps you also. Just remember that in the end, you will be stronger because of those tough times that you made it through. God bless you and your family and make it a great day! Have a great weekend everyone!

Don’t look back!

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Don't look backMy apologies for not writing for some time. I really miss it! Life, Work, etc… has a way of just running away from you. Today I read a great article and I think it applies to so many of us who tend to look back and remind ourselves of the pain that we’ve experienced in the past. For some, they can never move forward and are stuck in the past. “You cannot do the work of starting life over, and be busy reliving your past at the same time. Being new is a deliberate choice, an act of alignment that places you in conscious contact with a living presence that’s incapable of repeating itself.”

Please take a moment and read, The Power to Change Your Past by Guy Finley. It will really help you move forward and put the past behind you! 🙂

A great quote from the article to always remember;

NO pain from the past can make itself present unless the mind, asleep to itself, is deceived into revisiting the painful memory of that misery. This is a great read for those hurting from the past.

The only time you should look back is to see how far you’ve come! Keep going and looking forward! The best of days are still ahead! Always stay Positively Positive!

Blessing to you on this beautiful Friday and I wish you the best and have a great weekend!

Namaste!

Don’t be afraid to get back up

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Fear NotDon’t be afraid to get back up – to try again, to love again, to live again, and to dream again. Don’t let a hard lesson harden your heart. Life’s best lessons are often learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes. There will be times when it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong. And you might feel like you will be stuck in this rut forever, but you won’t. When you feel like quitting, remember that sometimes things have to go very wrong before they can be right. Sometimes you have to go through the worst, to arrive at your best. God Bless!

Happy Friday Everyone! Make it a great day! 😀

One step at a time

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ImageI know you’ve heard it a thousand times before. But it’s worth repeating, there’s no easy way for success. Hard work pays off; period! If you want to succeed, I know of no other way then to keep working at it. Never quit! Put your nose to the grind stone and keep cranking out the day to day work.

The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs…one step at a time.

When you fall, pick yourself back up and keep grinding. Do the little things every day and they’ll become big things and before you know it, you’re doing right and succeeding. Have a great day everyone! Good luck out there and keep your head up! #staypositive #neverquit #onestepatatime

Change yourself

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Work on changing yourself. There may be times in life when you won’t know what’s ahead, and you can’t control the situations that life throws you in. At the end of the day, despite what happens to you…what matters most is what happens in you.

Make it your business to stay positive and focused on what you see as the best possible outcome for your life. Do the inner work that will help you to maintain a positive attitude, a stronger faith and courage for the road ahead. Remember that miracles are always possible and are waiting for you to discover them. You have GREATNESS within you! — Les Brown

Happy Monday everyone! Make it a great one! #bethechange #staypositive

Breathe. Inhale. Exhale.

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“DON’T LET THE WORLD CHANGE YOUR SMILE; LET YOUR SMILE CHANGE THE WORLD”
DonNamaste’t let this world make you bitter. Don’t let the actions of other people turn you cold on the inside. Certain things happen that hurt us, people come that leave us, and most of all there are moments when you’re bound to fall. Don’t let those things make you unkind. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be sad. But it’s never okay to do other people wrong just because you were done wrong. We’re human. We break. We make mistakes. But don’t let pain and sadness run your life.
Wake up in the morning and do what you think is right. There are moments in your life where you feel like giving up and you can’t take it anymore. It’s okay. Breathe. Inhale. Exhale. But the things that show your weak side are also the same ones that make you stronger in the long run. It’s all about taking whatever life throws at you and learning from it.  Namaste!